The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy mine or your own. if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon,"Yes." It doesn't interest me to know where you live, or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

In Between Here and There

I don't know about you but sometimes it seems like I am living for tomorrow and not today. The funny thing is today is tomorrow. Somewhere along the way I have forgotten that my life today is my life. Life does not start when anything is accomplished, life is what it is today. I feel like I have been waiting for life to begin for way too long and all the while have been living half heartily. I think I am ready to live with my whole heart.... now... today.

What Fills Up the Spaces?

The people and things in our environment are not so poignant as the energy they carry. The quality with which they seem able to change and alter our lives. We have all experienced this before... the loss or addition of someone near to us in life or possessions removed from or added to a house that seem to, themselves alone, remove or provide a certain quality inside of ourselves. What is this energy that seems to come in the form of substance. Is it the things themselves that fill us up or is it the space between the things that really changes our lives? When a person comes into a room and completely alters the energy, is it them or is it the space between you and them? When we lose material possessions do we grieve for the possessions or the way we interacted with those possessions?

I believe we have become a consumerist society in the search for the fullness between things. We fill up the potential with combinations of things that make up the quality of our lives. The mistake is we can get so caught up in the things that we don't realize it's not about the things at all. It is about the space between the things, the spaces fill us up, but what fills up the spaces? We fill up the spaces. Our love, our beliefs, our stories. We are constantly creating the quality of our lives. It starts with ourselves. 

I believe true love can fill an empty house, true peace can come in the midst of war and true happiness will shine through in the greatest devastation. True friends stick by you through good and bad and true faith believes when all seems lost. 

The truth is not in the people or the things, the truth is inside of ourselves and fills the space between the people and things and that space creates the quality of our life.

Appreciation

As we begin this new year I can't help but feel a deep appreciation for life. I got to learn a lot of lessons in 2008 is what I keep saying. Every time I turned a corner there was a lesson, some amazing and others painful. I was certified to teach yoga from two amazingly beautiful people, attended 3 life changing seminars about my personal life mission and purpose, how to expand people's views and how we keep ourselves limited and in the process met some amazing souls. I am especially grateful to a certain soul who supported me through it all and whom kindly regards me as his guardian angel for the things we have discovered and gotten through together. On a personal level, I quit my first "real world" job which turns out wasn't quite as "real world" as I thought, I moved away from my beautiful beach sanctuary in search of opportunity, I lost a man who I thought might be the love of my life but who has proven to be simply a love in my life, I began a crusade to save the world and realized the first step to saving the world is to save yourself, created a life mission and decided it wasn't quite right and started over, spent my first and last night in jail, watched the country fall apart, hope for something better and take action to achieve that and I am currently seeing my family through a separation. 2008 felt something like a lifetime...I got to learn a lot of lessons in 2008 is what I keep saying. I think we all did. 

Now, all I can feel is appreciation for all of this. I think sometimes you have to get torn completely apart to understand who you really are and to come out the other side a better person.  It can be easy to hide even from yourself. I have allowed myself to be seen and I feel strong and whole and grateful. I have learned that we can not replace the people who are there for us. My love for these people, who know me and have seen me through has grown exponentially this year. But most importantly I have learned that you must be there for yourself, sometimes you may be your only saving grace. My appreciation for the moment and the intricacies of life is inexplicable. I love the little things and the big things and the anticipation. I am excited for 2009. I am excited to prove that I have grown and that my choices reflect the depth of my heart. I am excited to grow even more and continue to understand myself more and more.