Tuesday, December 16, 2008
When Do We Move On?
Things end, one door closes and another opens is what they say. We are continually at beginnings and endings. Life is one big beginning and ending. What we do in between is up to us, but we are only partially in control, it takes grace to walk through our lives effortlessly going through these entrances and exits, dancing with the universe. It's hard not to peek through the door you had once closed and sometimes pure torture just to walk through the doorway and close the door you may be better off closing. The thing is, I sometimes wonder if we are even responsible for the opening and shutting or if we simply get nudged along peeking through doorways some mysterious force has opened or shoved forward, the door slamming behind as if by a ghost. I am ever surprised by the intelligence my body and the universe have playing this game on me. As if they are sharing secrets, the whole while I am just a naive chess piece, graciously abiding to their moves. The truth, we don't know when we will move on, what will be brought to our table tomorrow or what choices will seem fit in the future. However, we do have the option to become aware, honor where we are in our process and treat ourselves and others with respect through our journey. The good thing is life will take care of the rest.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Compartmentalized
I started this blog as a way to simply be me... out of the box. I feel that in the past I often compartmentalized myself according to my surroundings, the people I am interacting with or the audience I am speaking to. Perhaps this is a good self-marketing tool but I just got tired of stopping short in certain contexts or belittling myself in certain contexts. Basically I realized I was selling myself short. It is particularly strange coming back to and living in a place where this tendency seemed to form in my life..... somewhere around 13 years old. Sound familiar? It is something we all go through. We live in a society that fosters compartmentalized thinking and acting, constantly striving to figure out where we fit in. Why is it that people are so scared of someone they can't quite figure out? Why are we ourselves scared when we don't live within our own accepted box? So we move from one box to the next, maybe we grow out of that box or just suddenly find it uncomfortable so we go in search of the next box. What happens when we start to live outside of the boxes, when we are just ourselves box free? This is living in uncertainty, finding a home in the void, unpackaged and unlabeled. It can be a scary, unbounded, confusing and overwhelming place, but worth at least a visit. It is only in this place that we can taste the true essence of who we are. I encourage you for just one day to find this place outside of your current box. Find the courage to say something friendly you normally wouldn't say, drive a different route to work, do something spontaneous, surprise someone with a gift, tell someone something about yourself they may never know otherwise, start a new hobby you've been putting off...... just get outside of your box, there is a big world out there.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Growing Up and Letting Go
It's easy to lose the lightheartedness of your youth. As I see it you have two choices as you grow up, you can become more rigid and closed off or you can become wiser and keep opening up. Life is not always easy, this is a guarantee. You will most definitely see things you don't want to see or take responsibility for things that seem too hard to take. You will make wrong choices and right choices and they will seem to pile up on the record of your life. We all have disappointment and heartache and things are not always as they seem but we must hold on to the wonderment of our youth. You must learn to let go and keep your heart open. How, you say?
"May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.
May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.
May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
And may your song always be sung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young."
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Well, believe me if I had all the answers I would love to share, but it is not that easy. However, I do know that doing the things that stir our souls is the best way to keep the magic flowing. It's not easy to let go, I may go so far as to say, to truly let go, to look back and step forward with love is our greatest feat. There is something great to be said about personal perspective and growing older and wiser, but carrying the burden of our pasts can be a heavy load. It's important to take the lessons and let go of the baggage, keep smiling, keep laughing and keep loving. Most importantly stay fascinated with life, everyday is another chance.
"May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.
May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.
May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
And may your song always be sung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young."
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=68017607
Thursday, December 4, 2008
The Small Picture
As you have gone through life I bet someone has told you to keep the big picture in mind. Well I say, keep the small picture in mind. Recently I have found myself wanting to skip through the small stuff, get on to the next thing, live a bigger life but in my hurried search for the big picture and in neglecting the small picture I tripped and fell flat on my face. It is easy to forget the big picture is just a reflection of the small picture and this being said, it is safe to say without the small picture to cast a reflection there is no big picture. Welcome to the matrix. It is all about the small picture. The tiny details of everyday life cumulate to create the big picture. Every step, every decision, every moment of gratitude, every conversation, every friendship, every kiss, every thought matters and it matters the most. These things are like the subatomic particles in the atom that is your life. The big picture could not exist without the smaller, it is the very essence of it.
What happens is people get tripped up in the small picture, they start to disregard the small things that matter most in spite of the big picture that they are searching for. We want everything great that life has to offer but don't appreciate the process, the game of loss and gain that is required to get there. We search for the perfect relationship, the perfect job or the perfect city only to discover it is within us all along. The big picture of who we are is simply a reflection of the small picture actions. How can we expect these things to be great if we ourselves are not great? Why do we forget about the magnitude of the details of our lives? Why do we lose sight of the small picture?
We must consciously absorb ourselves in the appreciation of everyday smallness in order to become a larger reflection of who we really are. Without a grand small picture the big picture is simply an illusion.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
A Man of Words and Not Deeds
This is a Mother Goose nursery rhyme I found quite powerful:
A man of words and not of deeds
Is like a garden full of weeds
And when the weeds begin to grow
It's like a garden full of snow
And when the snow begins to fall
It's like a bird upon the wall
And when the bird away does fly
It's like an eagle in the sky
And when the sky begins to roar
It's like a lion at the door
And when the door begins to crack
It's like a stick across your back
And when your back begins to smart
It's like a penknife in your heart
And when your heart begins to bleed
Your dead and dead and dead indeed
Monday, December 1, 2008
Be Careful What You Wish For, You Just Might Get It
I find I am afraid of the power that lies within my heart. I wake up and realize that I am no longer asleep. I speak and realize I already know. I love and know that I already am that. The problem is I need to quench my thirst, I feel it everyday and the only thing that keeps me from satiation is my own avoidance of the water.
Oscar Wilde said "In this world there are only two tragedies, one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it". We spend so much time in search of some sort of satisfaction that I find this to be true. It's been called our right... the pursuit of happiness, but it has also been said that the pursuit of happiness is the source of unhappiness. So where does this leave us? For some of us it leaves us enjoying the journey but it does not rid of us of this unquestionably human desire for satisfaction. Always looking for the next best thing. Fearing that which we are without. Afraid of being with ourselves. Unsure of where we must go or what we must do next. Scrambling to make things work. When we can fully embody the realization that soon after this thing we so desire there will be another thing we desire again it will take some of the pressure off our situation. Life energy is wise, we can't fool it into a false reality no matter how clever we think we may be. We can only delay the inevitable. But we can stop clinging to that which is keeping us from being hungry temporarily, hanging on by a thread to our satisfaction. It's hard to let go of the things that fill our void, that seem to temporarily satiate our longings. But what happens when we choose to stop living hand to mouth in the context of our desires? Or when we stop clinging to the things that are not serving us?
When we choose to fall into the unknown and crave the possibilities there is an incredibly powerful rush of energy that comes into our lives. A freedom from circumstance, a freedom from satisfaction. Magic.
Oscar Wilde said "In this world there are only two tragedies, one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it". We spend so much time in search of some sort of satisfaction that I find this to be true. It's been called our right... the pursuit of happiness, but it has also been said that the pursuit of happiness is the source of unhappiness. So where does this leave us? For some of us it leaves us enjoying the journey but it does not rid of us of this unquestionably human desire for satisfaction. Always looking for the next best thing. Fearing that which we are without. Afraid of being with ourselves. Unsure of where we must go or what we must do next. Scrambling to make things work. When we can fully embody the realization that soon after this thing we so desire there will be another thing we desire again it will take some of the pressure off our situation. Life energy is wise, we can't fool it into a false reality no matter how clever we think we may be. We can only delay the inevitable. But we can stop clinging to that which is keeping us from being hungry temporarily, hanging on by a thread to our satisfaction. It's hard to let go of the things that fill our void, that seem to temporarily satiate our longings. But what happens when we choose to stop living hand to mouth in the context of our desires? Or when we stop clinging to the things that are not serving us?
When we choose to fall into the unknown and crave the possibilities there is an incredibly powerful rush of energy that comes into our lives. A freedom from circumstance, a freedom from satisfaction. Magic.
Friday, November 28, 2008
I Dare You
On this beautiful post-Thanksgiving day, my heart is full of gratitude and I wanted to share something with you all. This song is a direct reflection of the possibilites that exist within all of us. I would reccomend taking the 4 full minutes, turn up the volume and feel this song. Dance, sing, pray, sit, lie down, just let go of the mind allow yourself to open up and feel. It's not the actual way you do it, it is the quality with which it is done. Then I dare you to meet the rest of your day with that same feeling, share it with everyone you come across. I double dare you to do it everyday.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Making Peace with Spaghetti
Pasta has gotten a bad rep. If you don't eat spaghetti for fear of the extra carbs I would advise you to please rethink your opinion. There is something extremely satisfying and romantic about a bowl of spaghetti and meatballs. You really can't go wrong. The pleasure that comes with this satisfying dish is something everyone should feel every so often.
How many things or people do we cut completely out of our lives for fear that they are not good for us? We must look at ourselves and decide why we have such an aversion to this thing. What are we so afraid of inside of ourselves that causes us not to allow ourselves to even think of having a bowl of spaghetti or whatever or whomever it is? Why do we hide from those things that tempt us or those things we don't want to define us? Perhaps the first step is avoidance but is that really where it ends? We should come right out and say "Listen spaghetti I am going to do this thing with you but it doesn't change who I am". Can't we learn from the spaghetti in our life, especially if we are able to transform our relationship with it? The things that we know in excess are unhealthy but still allow them to have their time and place can be our greatest teachers. It is our avoidance that keeps us tied to them and repeating our mistakes. When we learn to accept we can break the tie that binds and move on with our lives. We may even find a special place in our hearts for what once we avoided at all costs. How will making peace with your spaghetti change your life?
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Plans
"If you are successful, it'll never come from the direction you predicted. Same is true if you fail."
Don't get me wrong I know it is important to have goals, dreams, desires, wants and needs. And in order to get from A to B you have to follow a path. But I also agree that path can take on a million different forms. So I have goals, I have dreams and let me tell you I have desires, but I do not have plans, at least not at the moment. I am walking my path with an open heart and an open mind, keeping a keen eye out for an opportunity to be of service and to understand myself and others better. I trust that the decisions I make on this road will serve me much better than any plan could. I have the utmost respect for plans but I am weary of their shallow promises. I have been let down by plans, things that never existed but in my mind and now I realize that the alternative to the plan is that which in reality is necessary. So be weary of living unfulfilled by the plan and afraid of the unplanned life, where the possibilities are unknown but perhaps brighter. There is a time and a place for a plan and a time and a place to let go of the plan. In any case the next time someone tells you "Sorry, I've got plans" you can tell them "I wouldn't bet on it".
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Balance... Imbalance... Acceptance.... Peace....
I noticed that in my writing I talk a lot about opposing forces. Life is a constant stream of ups and downs. For some of us these ups and downs are mountains and for others they are merely speed bumps. Highs and lows, love and hate, fear and courage, disappointment and satisfaction, excitement and dread, celebration and grief. I suppose I talk about opposites a lot because of the importance of balance. We all know the importance of balance and what it feels like to be out of balance in our lives. It is crucial to understand this dance for extreme imbalance will lead to serious dis-ease in our lives. An example that many can relate with is the balance of give and take. The exhaustion and resentment we can feel when we are giving too much of ourselves and the the lack of satisfaction and security when we take too much from others. I have studied "balance" for the past few years and how to obtain balance in my body, my thoughts, my relationships, my work and my actions. There is no doubt balance is important. But balance can be thrown off simply by the changing winds and is momentary. It is much like in meditation when for that one moment you don't have a thought.... then you think "I am not thinking" and instantly you are indeed thinking. The thing is we can not be in perfect balance all the time, not in this world, not in this body, that is why this search for balance is a constant. But we can savor those dear moments of balance in our lives.
Today in passing a friend said to me something that made me view balance in a whole new light. He said that things are neither good nor bad they just are.... they are just ingredients. This statement seemed to fill a gap in my thoughts that linked a whole new perspective that had been waiting for that one statement. One force cannot exist without the other opposing force and we must respect the highs and the lows for what they are. I understand the importance of striving for balance but have I been disrespecting and disregarding the times of even the smallest imbalance in my life? Have I not been seeing the imbalances for the great lessons they are because I have been labeling them and myself as wrong or bad? This non-judgement on the ups and downs of life gave me a sense of freedom to just be who I am now. I must stop pretending that what is happening now is just in passing, waiting for that moment of balance. I must appreciate this moment, this ingredient in the recipe of my life. Balance will come and balance will go. But can we savor those dear moments of imbalance as well? How will this shift bring more peace to your life? How will this shift effect everyone around you?
Encouraging balance while widening our limited definitions and embracing the ride, mountains, speed bumps and all can open up a whole new resolution....
"Imagine there is no heaven, it's easy if you try. No hell below us, above us only sky, imagine all the people living for today. Imagine there's no countries, it isn't hard to do. Nothing to kill or die for and no religion too. Imagine all the people living in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer but I'm not the only one." -John Lennon
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Something I read......
I am reading the book Eat Pray Love right now (a true story) and I absolutely loved this excerpt, so I thought I would share. To put some context around it, Liz (nickname Groceries)is writing a book about her personal journey traveling to various places, she is at an ashram in India and is talking to her friend Richard a man from Texas, an amazing character who is extremely connected to spirit but also very grounded and realistic. She is talking about a post-divorce relationship she had to leave for various unhealthy reasons before she left to travel....
"Don't laugh at me now, but I think the reason it's so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously thought David was my soul mate"
"He probably was. Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that is what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person that shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go. It's over, Groceries. David's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it's over. Problem is, you can't accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. Your like a dog at the dump, baby-you're just lickin' at an empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if your not careful, that can is gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it."
"But I love him"
"So love him"
"But I miss him"
"So miss him. Send him love and light every time you think about him, and then drop it. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you are using to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vacuum, an open spot- a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in-God will rush in- and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go."
Pretty profound if you ask me.
I Surrender
Just when I think I may have figured out this crazy living thing life pulls out one of the many tricks up her sleeve and I am baffled again. I think this is how this whole game of life goes though. The truth is we never know what life is holding or when she will play her cards.... or if we will win that hand or lose it. But we keep playing, making the best with the cards we are dealt. There seems to be a push and pull motion that happens in my game with life. It can be likened to an essence of determination and then surrender. But I often forget how important this whole surrender thing is. Maybe if I stop cramming this circle peg into a square hole, life will have a chance to hand me the square peg that fits effortlessly. She has been tapping on my shoulder waiting to hand it over but I have been so busy and determined with the circle peg that I don't even notice. So I surrender. I understand life can be my greatest opponent and my best friend but either way we are in this together and I might as well make the best out of it.... after all I am grateful just to be playing.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Life is What You Make It
How are you looking at your life? Do you tell yourself you are doing the right thing? Do you tell yourself that your making the wrong decision again? Do you tell yourself that you can never win? Do you tell yourself you are unlovable? Do you tell yourself there is nothing you can do, that you are just stuck in your situation? Your just not that kind of person, that kind of stuff just doesn't happen to you. How many limiting things do we say to our self in such a unlimited world? I think we limit ourselves to keep ourselves safe but the joke is that the safest thing to do is live an unbounded life. To see things, even the most awful ugly things, as an advantage to us can make our lives larger than we ever imagined. The very thing that is keeping us small is actually fighting to make us large it just became disjointed from the big picture and started fighting it's own war. When we can align our actions to the bigger picture they will make more sense, we realize that even the things that appear to be holding us back are there to push us forward. We did not fail but we succeeded to live the life we were meant to live. We are not unlovable but we are pure love that is always inside of ourselves. It all depends on how you look at it. Anything less than directing your thoughts in powerful unbounded ways isn't being secure, isn't it? So it's not just about directing your thoughts in powerful unbounded ways, to be secure I mean. Is it?
Friday, November 7, 2008
When the Going Gets Tough the Tough Look Within
Today I did not get up but begrudgingly rolled out of the wrong side of the bed. My first thought, "How on earth can I possibly feel this way when I have done nothing but opened my eyes today?". My mind, being the dear comforting friend it is, immediately supplied me with a list of why. I will spare you all the reasons as I am sure my trivial list would bore even the most curious cat. However, I can assure you all of my reasons and excuses were ultimately material and exterior. I immediately began my constant, mundane thought train of everything wrong that is happening to me. It's not even until I stop and write this that I realize that I have been on this train all day long. I don't even know where it's heading. Sad but true. In fact up to the second I clicked on "new post" I believed I wanted to write but just had nothing to write about. Strike that, reverse it. I have everything in the world to write about but I just want to blame my situation for my actions. I think we all have a tendency towards this type of behavior. We blame family, friends, bosses, governments, lovers, money, cities and even time for whatever it is we feel lacking. And there is such a feeling of loss and lack in this abundant country, isn't there? The truth is you already have the capacity to create whatever you want in your life. That is the honest to goodness truth. Scary isn't it? This is the moral of the story and the hardest one to put in practice for the fable we are being told by everyone, everyday is quite to the contrary. We keep looking for the next thing to fix us. The real reality is when things are tough, this is when it is time to dig deep. You have the power to change the things you don't like and create a space of unconditional love for life, all it takes is looking inside for the answer. That is good stuff. Whew....... I don't know about you but I needed that.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
The Edge
Last night I went to a ski movie premier that a friend of a friend is a star in. The name of the movie is Under the Influence. As I sat in the SF coliseum theatre looking up at incomprehensible miles of snow, besides getting totally stoked to snowboard I started to think. Staring up in full body awe at these guys lives and how the whole theatre was on the edge of their seats just watching them do what it is they love and do best I couldn't help but think about this thing called the edge. Professional skiers and snowboarders push an obvious edge every time they get on a mountain, but don't we all in some way? Aren't we on the top of a mountain everyday, free falling into the unknown? Or at least, shouldn't we be living in this way?
In yoga class we encourage you to find your edge in a pose: the place where there is resistance and comfort simultaneously. By playing with your edge your body naturally opens up and before you know it your new edge is way beyond the old limited edge. I think this translates beautifully into all the edges we come to in life. It's not always comfortable to be on edge all the time and of course it's important to rest in comfortability but isn't the edge truly what we are living for? Of course we are all different and have different edges and ways that we approach them. For example, what makes a man able to jump out of a helicopter and drop down an untouched mountain but unable to tell the woman he loves how he feels. Some times we can be larger than life and other times the height seems too far to fall. How does it feel to sit on your own personal edge? I am inspired to and encourage you to find your edge everyday in some way. We may just surprise ourselves.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Have a little faith
Today is a historic day no matter how you slice it, it is an intense time. It became apparent to me today that I have to connect back to my faith. My anxiety is high and my ability to trust has been lost in confusion. It becomes difficult at times to believe, to continually put your heart and your energy into the world when so many things can go wrong and so much is unknown. Faith in yourself and in each other is the best gift that you can give the world. I have faith that we are heading in the right direction. I worry that it will not be an easy path but I am learning that the easy path is not usually the path of growth and redemption. I do believe we are rounding a corner and the street ahead is going to bring massive change. I am ready to trust and have a little faith for the sake of our future. I believe in conviction of the heart and this is what I must hold on to on this crazy roller coaster ride. Only time will tell........
Sunday, November 2, 2008
After the Storm
Do you ever notice how people react when it rains? Some people get down, some use the opportunity to curl up and get cozy, some just rush through, dashing from necessary place to place waiting for it to end and still others dance naked letting themselves feel it for all its worth. Me personally, well it depends on life of course, but I found that this storm was particularly poignant. You see, this was the first rain in a long time, almost as if it was the first and it symbolized a shift for me. Something in me had dried up and needed replenishing. I didn't do any of the above mentioned activities and at the same time I did all of them. I just simply listened and noticed and had an appreciation for the moment and for the possibilities, I connected with the bigger picture. A storm can change your life if you let it and after it has passed you can either choose to feel soaking wet, heavy and uncomfortable or you can choose to move with a new appreciation and renewed wonder. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the intensity of the storm, things change so much that when it has passed we are not sure how to start anew, we get stuck in the mud. But the beauty of the calm after the storm is where we must learn to find pleasure. The hopeful ray of sunshine, the magnificent rainbows and a fresh new ground upon which to walk our path. This is the true value in the price of a storm. I know I have no control over when it's going to rain again but I do have control over what I choose to do when it does and it most definitely will.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Transcendence and Being
Can you think of a problem that has been troubling for you? Perhaps the harder question would be "Can you not think of a problem you have been struggling with?". But for now let's focus on the problem, shouldn't be too tough right? Good, now that you've got the problem let's see if we can play with your perspective. We are meaning making machines and most if not all of us are in a constant struggle to fix something or make sense of something that is happening in our lives. How can we achieve more? How can we love more? How can we do more? How can we have more? How can we be more?
Most of us go around under one mode of operation. A way that we deal, a way that gets us through, consciously or unconsciously, there is something driving us every single day in search of this more-ness. I had a huge revelation last week, it was that in my constant struggle to make things "more" or "better" I was making others feel like less or like they were not enough. What I did have was being demeaned. The question underneath all my "more questions" was really "Why am I not enough?" Whoa, I was blown away and I walked away with the hallucination that many of us operate this way. Can you relate? So, what to do now?
Think of the problem that came up for you earlier. My guess is that you are wanting more or for a situation to be better. There are two ways you can entertain this problem. You can be bigger than the problem, tuck it away, let it run it's course while your focus is on something more positive OR you can be with it, hold it close to your heart and wrestle with all it's ugliness. In other words, you can transcend the problem or simply be with the problem. My suggestion is to be dynamic, do both. For one day transcend the problem, the next make a commitment to honestly be with it. Or if your problem is larger go week by week, one week do everything you can to "get over" your problem, the next week do everything you can to "feed and love" your problem like you would a newborn child. Do each with the intention of healing. Will this confuse the heck out of you?? Maybe and it will probably confuse the heck out of the problem itself....all the better. Will you be in confusion?... maybe, but most likely clarity as well. We are dynamic beings, it is best to get out of our one mode and try on other ones as well. For some transcending will be easy and for other's being will be easy. I know that you will have many learnings through this process and somewhere between the opposite forces of transcending and being there will be a balance of resolution. I would love to hear your experiences....good luck!
Most of us go around under one mode of operation. A way that we deal, a way that gets us through, consciously or unconsciously, there is something driving us every single day in search of this more-ness. I had a huge revelation last week, it was that in my constant struggle to make things "more" or "better" I was making others feel like less or like they were not enough. What I did have was being demeaned. The question underneath all my "more questions" was really "Why am I not enough?" Whoa, I was blown away and I walked away with the hallucination that many of us operate this way. Can you relate? So, what to do now?
Think of the problem that came up for you earlier. My guess is that you are wanting more or for a situation to be better. There are two ways you can entertain this problem. You can be bigger than the problem, tuck it away, let it run it's course while your focus is on something more positive OR you can be with it, hold it close to your heart and wrestle with all it's ugliness. In other words, you can transcend the problem or simply be with the problem. My suggestion is to be dynamic, do both. For one day transcend the problem, the next make a commitment to honestly be with it. Or if your problem is larger go week by week, one week do everything you can to "get over" your problem, the next week do everything you can to "feed and love" your problem like you would a newborn child. Do each with the intention of healing. Will this confuse the heck out of you?? Maybe and it will probably confuse the heck out of the problem itself....all the better. Will you be in confusion?... maybe, but most likely clarity as well. We are dynamic beings, it is best to get out of our one mode and try on other ones as well. For some transcending will be easy and for other's being will be easy. I know that you will have many learnings through this process and somewhere between the opposite forces of transcending and being there will be a balance of resolution. I would love to hear your experiences....good luck!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
I was once a sleeping ocean and in a dream became jealous of a pond
I realized that i was a sleeping ocean, i knew that there was a greatness inside of me that needed to be let out. It screamed at me everyday and somehow I was numb from the constant noise it created in my head. It was my best friend and my worst enemy and it became my personal ambivalence. I didn't move for fear that I would wake something in me that i desperately wanted to come alive. I saw this greatness everywhere I went in everyone's eyes.....the barista, the customer, the waitress, my friends, my family, my teachers, my heroes, my lovers, the politicians, the president of the United States. I saw a reflection of the longing in my heart. I wanted to tell them I understood, I wanted to tell them there was no reason to hide. I wanted to tell them that together we could be great. I thought that if I could help them then I could help myself. But the moments passed, the days passed, months passed, years passed. It was all simply too much, too hard, too tiring. I didn't have the power to make a difference. I thought people always left and let you down. This was my old story.
We so often get caught up in what other people think that we forget what we ourselves think. How often are you timid with what you want to say to someone or don't take a stand for your ideas or even worse..feel bad about yourself because you don't live up to someone else's standards? These standards don't really exist except for in your mind or his mind or her mind. What are your standards for yourself? How great do you feel about what your going to say? How will your ideas effect the world? How freakin amazing does it feel to be proud of yourself no matter what anyone else thinks? How long will it take us to love ourselves?
Now I am awake. I get to create the life that I want. It is my responsibility to love myself and only then love others. It is my responsibility to keep asking questions and keep getting up when I get knocked down. It is my responsibility to use the power I have and face it every single day without fear or doubt. Every single soul has the power to change the world, all it takes is responsibility and belief. I have yet to change the world but I am stepping up and breaking down my boundaries. This is where my journey begins, where it ends is limitless. I believe that.
"She's got the power to be, the power to give, the power to see.....suddenly I see this is what I wanna be, suddenly I see why the hell it means so much to me." KT Tunstall
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