Are You Rowing or Flowing?

There is a current to life, sometimes smooth and sometimes turbulent but, none the less, ever changing. Heraclitus said "No man can step into the same river twice, for it is not the same river and he is not the same man." Life keeps going as do we. What we have today may be gone tomorrow and what we lack today, tomorrow we may gain. But how do we handle today?

It is true that there are times in life where the best option is to allow everything to fall in place and other times that, well, everything feels like a struggle. So, there are times when we must flow and times when we must row on this ever changing river of life. We row so that we know we have done all we can and we flow so that we can feel the grace of life and allow things to be as they will. Call it fate or destiny which allows things to flow and free will which allows us to row and change our course. How do we know the appropriate time to flow and the appropriate time to row? When do we surrender and when do we fight? Because there is freedom and beauty in both. Only when we are following our hearts will we know which is best suited. It is not always easy to see which is best, we get caught up in our minds, deciding and deciphering and sometimes we do not allow ourselves the dignity to flow or the courage to row. Even worse sometimes we give other people the power to choose for us.

Although one is not better than the other, the appropriate timing for each is important to understand. Are you rowing or flowing and which energy is better suited to your situation? The question can only be answered by you.

Starting From Where You Are

Do you ever feel overwhelmed? Exhausted? Confused? Lost? Hmmmm, ya me too. It happens. In fact, it seems when it feels there is too much to do I want to give up all together..... woe is me, I'll just look away and hope the magic kicks in.... like above when the dishes start to do themselves in the Sword in the Stone, where is Merlin when I need him? Then I can just relax, kick back and let the tough times fix themselves. Cuz the dishes are just the beginning of this girls to do list.

Then I realize I don't have a wizard, if I look away things will not get done, damn. So what now? I think we can all relate to this position. So much to do, you can't decide if you want to scream or fall asleep. I think the best thing to do in this position is to remember you can only start from where you are. Seems simple and logical right? But if you keep this in mind and put one foot in front of the other suddenly things don't seem so overwhelming and before you know it they are done. This is a pretty easy thing to apply to our busy days and our long to do lists but what about when we are overwhelmed with all that life has handed us? As life has a way of doing. When suddenly we are left with too much responsibility, too much heartbreak, too much empty time, too much loss, too much pain, too much of what we never expected and never asked for? Well, the same thing applies, we can only start from where we are and take the appropriate steps to heal and move forward. It's important that we do those two things though and not just let time carry us away, because life will go on but will you go on with it... the way you really want to? Can you honestly judge where you are and do what needs to be done to move on with an open heart, a healthy mind and a connected spirit. We can only start from where we are in this moment, greet the day accepting what has happened and hope for the best in the moments to come. We have to take responsibility for ourselves and do what needs to be done to create the life we desire. So don't waste time berating yourself or your situation, take a deep breath and start from where you are and although the dishes will probably not do themselves life usually throws a little magic our way in the process.

How Much Are You Giving Up for Security?

Secure: fixed or fastened so not to give way, become loose or be lost. Not subject to threat; certain to remain or continue safe and unharmed

We all want life to go by pretty much as planned. For the most part we like things to be predictable and reliable. There is a comfort in the normalcy of this. We know who we are and what we offer, who the people in our lives are and what we mean to each other. So we set things up in the way that they can be most secure. A secure future. Well a wise man once said "Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans." That man was Mr. John Lennon. Leave it to the man who said "All you need is love" to speak such simple words of truth. Plan as we may life always seems to have it's way. I agree that it's alluring and perhaps might be best sometimes to take the safe way out. The path that seems to be clear and that most everyone is cheering you on for looks bright and sunny and hard to resist.

But before you head forward stop for a moment and think about what is really in your heart. Are you giving up anything by taking this road? Is the more unknown, dark and twisty road perhaps not easier but more valuable to get to know who you really are and what you really want? The secure path is nearly a sure thing but will it make your inner life light up? The truth is we don't know where either road will lead and all we have is what is right in front of us. Although sometimes we have gone so far down the wrong road it's hard to decipher forward from backwards. How do we know which way to go? The further you have strayed from what you really want the more you will feel like you are putting on a show for everyone and perhaps even yourself. Take a moment to come face to face with what you really want and ask yourself "What am I pretending to not know that I really do know?" and "What will I do now that I know?".

It's nice to know there is a consistency to life, it's great to have security, but if you are giving up who you could be for who you should be well that's no life at all.

We Are Always Whole

You know that feeling when everything is perfect? You couldn't ask for anything else.... everything seems to be just right the way it is in that moment. You know those moments. There is a bubbling over of warmth and joy, a rosy feeling in your cheeks and for a moment you feel complete. You couldn't ask for anything to be different, the hands of the clock seem to stop, but really they don't and in the blink of an eye time has carried us to the next moment where we must search again for this feeling of being fulfilled. So what if I told you you could access that feeling any time you wanted to... that it had nothing to do with what was happening around you but everything to do with what is happening inside you?

Well it's true. The truth is nothing and no one will complete us, we are always whole. That feeling of wholeness is always available to us. So this doesn't mean that we don't go out and create and love and learn.... we just don't depend on anything to give us more meaning than we already had all along. Strange concept right? Isn't that what life is all about? Isn't it about finding the right job, making the right amount of money (more, more please!), meeting the right person, going to the right events, living in the right place? Well ladies and gents it seems we have had it wrong the whole time.... what it is really about... drum roll please..... is being in the right mind state and living life fully from this completeness. Because right now whether you believe it or not you are having that perfect moment..... can you feel it? This is the height of your life, can you feel it? If you can't you are simply just lying to yourself and my advice would be to start looking through a new pair of eyes..... take a walk, call a relative, turn up the music and dance, find a place around you or inside you that you have never explored.... this is your life, you are complete right now.... celebrate a little.

The Thing About Love

The thing about love is it doesn't often look like we think it should, more often raw and exposed than shiny and adorned
The thing about love is the moment you look the other way it sneaks in through your door and takes a seat
The thing about love is it hits you like dawn hits the hills of a new day and offers a fresh chance
The thing about love is it makes us lift our eyebrow and wonder
The thing about love is the part that the movie montage skips over, the in between times
The thing about love is it's inevitability
The thing about love is the dance of wax and wane between two desires and where they collide
The thing about love is we just never know
The thing about love is we can let go of it but it does not let go of us
The thing about love is it is more than we could have ever imagined, more than words can describe.

The Recipe of Your Life

"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of the dream" ~Willy Wonka

Last night I had a dialogue with myself about all the things I wanted to be different and why they were not changing. Wait just a minute, don't call me crazy, I will bet you you have this conversation with yourself nearly everyday, it just is not conscious. "Why am I doing this job?", "Is this relationship really serving me?", "Why can't I stick to this diet?", "Why didn't I do this before the deadline?". We dialogue all day with ourselves but I actually wrote out this dialogue... like if I came to me for advice what would I say. Long 5 page story short, it came down to one big fat realization. See what I want, and I think what we all want, is the ability to be exactly who we are, have the freedom to do the things that inspire and move us and share it with others. My problem was I could not figure out how to approach my life, my limitations, my everyday grind with the right amount of vigor. Then I thought of something I love to do.... cooking. The reason I love cooking is that it puts me right in the moment, fully experiencing tastes, smells, textures, consistencies and details. There is no judging what is happening, it just is, I add what is needed and keep going till the meal is done. I put all my energy into it and then am able to share the outcome with those around me... so that they literally fully digest what I have created. 

OK, so what if I were to approach every moment of my life like I was cooking? Because that is really what we are doing right? We create ourselves or our stories in every moment so that people around us can learn from it. If I brought the awareness I have when cooking a meal to every action right from that moment in the morning that my consciousness comes back from the dream state I could possibly change everything. If I was willing to fully experience each moment's details for what it was and add what needed to be added to make it the best meal for the day, I thought everything could change. So that is what I decided to do today, it has been phenomenal. This slight shift can open up a whole new energy in our lives. My advice, think of anything you absolutely love doing, think of how you approach it, how you give and receive, the reasons you love it and apply those principles to absolutely everything you do. Try it out for just one day, notice where you resist and where you fall off track, come back to your approach in the moment and see if you will ever go back. 

In every moment we can decide to be great. We are the great chefs preparing the best meal of our career, we are the musicians creating the concert that moves thousands, we are the great ancient poets whose translated writings will provide insight for thousands of years, we are the innovators and artists whose works will be remembered and revered forever, we are the disciplined sculpted dancers on stage sending goose bumps over the skins of our audience, we are the love makers locking limbs with the great invisible unknown, we are the business people creating peaceful, sustainable global conversations that change the world, we are the saints and saviors changing the equilibrium of our planet through our prayers and intentions, we are the environmentalists reaching out and saving the very thing that gives us life, we are the mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers of all of existence. The trick is to remember how to approach every moment knowing this is so.

Is Opportunity Always Knocking?

What lifts us awake from a deep sleep? How do we know when it's time to awaken, to take action? To move,to act, to decide. When do we seize a moment and when do we walk away? The truth is there is always something waiting for us, the hard part of this truth is sometimes we stand in our own way in receiving it. No matter what our situation, opportunity is always knocking. The question is, will we answer the door or will the knocking be drowned out by chatty complaints or barking unsatisfied longings? I believe that something is always being offered to us, even in the most heart wrenching situations, something is being offered up. The trick is allowing ourselves to be exactly where we are, feel exactly what we are feeling and offer something back up in return. Grief, sadness, guilt, anger, depression, anxieties..... I believe these are gifts in our lives. Without these opportunities we would never know our own strengths, we would never find what truly lies in our hearts.... compassion, grace, tenderness, kindness, forgiveness and love. We must learn to take our opportunities with grace and ease, learn to love our challenges and decide when to wake up from the dream, when what is being offered is no longer what we will settle for, when we have truly outgrown our situations.... even when we want to go back, when we don't understand why things have to move along, when we want to be donned in the clothes that used to fit us, the phone will be ringing. Life will be calling, we must accept what is changing and use the opportunity in front of us to create a new wardrobe, answer the call and step into the light of who we are.

As Fragile as a Chihuahua

Just recently my chihuahua was attacked by a large dog. She
broke a rib and punctured a lung. It was a rather traumatic experience for her. However, she was really great through the whole thing and bounced back within days and now is as good as new. The attack happened on a run that we went on nearly every day. I had stopped bringing her on this run due to her health and to avoid another attack. The other day I decided to bring her. She was ecstatic to say the least. She ran and sniffed and wagged and jumped and got into everything as she normally would. I on the other hand had a hard time trusting. It got me thinking about life in general and how we must choose to live everyday. Day in and day out, we may think we are safe but the truth is we are as fragile as my chihuahua. It is only our minds that keep us safe. The truth is at any second everything can change. We can receive news that absolutely changes everything, someone we are close with can decide to change their lives and in turn change ours, an accident can occur or a miracle can occur. The only thing that truly keep us afloat in the river of life is our faith.... besides that we simply glide along with the current. Without trust and faith we can never relax we are left to our own devices and must swim with all our strength to get where we are going. 

So this left me with the question. How will we live our lives? Do we let ourselves play with abandon despite the consequences that may meet us around the next corner? Should we play it safe so that we may change our fate and avoid complications? Or can we trust ourselves, jump on our raft of faith and enjoy the ride?

Detachment

You know that feeling when you wake up in the middle of the night and you don't know where you are or sometimes even who you are? The feeling is unsettling, every moment seems like an eternity and you can't breath until you figure it out. Then there is the wave of relief that crashes over you when life seems to snap back into focus. "Oh yes, this is me, my beliefs, my circumstances, my room, my bed, my walls". OK, I can go back to sleep now. This happened to me last night. Yet, I found a certain clarity in those moments of not knowing who I was. It reminded me of the feeling of creating something, being lost in a beautiful landscape or staring into my lovers eyes. It reminded me that I was more than what I kept thinking I was and I will always be more. It was a momentary reminder that there is life beyond the walls of my mind, an overwhelmingly vast and intricate living, breathing, beautiful expanse of playful synchronicity. It is so easy to get caught up in our lives, we cling so tightly to our circumstances and become so attached that this place of not knowing is overlooked and even feared when this place is, in fact, where we really are all day long. The beauty inside of the unknown is often neglected. It is simply human to cling to what we know. We are swimming in this majestic sea of possibility but are drowning in our attachments, the story, the emotion. If we can just drop the story for a minute we might actually see the irresistible glimmer of the novel moments. We may actually become enchanted with these moments of having no clue who we are because maybe, just maybe, these moments are glimpses into becoming something more than we thought we could ever be. 

Deliverance

How can I ever explain this divine synchronicity?
He gives me an answer before I even hear the question
And everything seems to turn out right
Don’t hide, don’t fight, don’t struggle with this
It simply is or is not
Either outcome does not compare to this moment
Hold me and feed me words that come from the heart
The truth about life
The awful, compelling truth about this
Why we will find ourselves through all the veils
Your eyes reflect our fated stars and the moon lights our way
To something we never planned
Something greater than who we are

Towards and Away

Unfinished business, lost in between

I had a life and you took it away

I knew what i liked and what was right

I still had the will to fight

Now I am stuck in the tide

moving in and out again and again

the past is wiped away with every rising swell

Days pass and this is supposed to make me smile,make me well

Are my actions mine or do they belong to you?

Am I creating the life I want or the one that will ease my pain?

I can't tell if I am running toward my dreams or away from my fears

Or if I love or hate my tears

Moments of inspiration, moments of desperation

Days and days of frustration

I understand, things are not always what they seem

You have to learn to find acceptance in the paradox

dig in deep through all the hardened dirt and rocks

Find solace in the rocking of this push and pull

I never knew my heart was this big, that I could feel it from my head to my toes

Why does this gift feel so cruel?

The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy mine or your own. if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon,"Yes." It doesn't interest me to know where you live, or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

In Between Here and There

I don't know about you but sometimes it seems like I am living for tomorrow and not today. The funny thing is today is tomorrow. Somewhere along the way I have forgotten that my life today is my life. Life does not start when anything is accomplished, life is what it is today. I feel like I have been waiting for life to begin for way too long and all the while have been living half heartily. I think I am ready to live with my whole heart.... now... today.

What Fills Up the Spaces?

The people and things in our environment are not so poignant as the energy they carry. The quality with which they seem able to change and alter our lives. We have all experienced this before... the loss or addition of someone near to us in life or possessions removed from or added to a house that seem to, themselves alone, remove or provide a certain quality inside of ourselves. What is this energy that seems to come in the form of substance. Is it the things themselves that fill us up or is it the space between the things that really changes our lives? When a person comes into a room and completely alters the energy, is it them or is it the space between you and them? When we lose material possessions do we grieve for the possessions or the way we interacted with those possessions?

I believe we have become a consumerist society in the search for the fullness between things. We fill up the potential with combinations of things that make up the quality of our lives. The mistake is we can get so caught up in the things that we don't realize it's not about the things at all. It is about the space between the things, the spaces fill us up, but what fills up the spaces? We fill up the spaces. Our love, our beliefs, our stories. We are constantly creating the quality of our lives. It starts with ourselves. 

I believe true love can fill an empty house, true peace can come in the midst of war and true happiness will shine through in the greatest devastation. True friends stick by you through good and bad and true faith believes when all seems lost. 

The truth is not in the people or the things, the truth is inside of ourselves and fills the space between the people and things and that space creates the quality of our life.

Appreciation

As we begin this new year I can't help but feel a deep appreciation for life. I got to learn a lot of lessons in 2008 is what I keep saying. Every time I turned a corner there was a lesson, some amazing and others painful. I was certified to teach yoga from two amazingly beautiful people, attended 3 life changing seminars about my personal life mission and purpose, how to expand people's views and how we keep ourselves limited and in the process met some amazing souls. I am especially grateful to a certain soul who supported me through it all and whom kindly regards me as his guardian angel for the things we have discovered and gotten through together. On a personal level, I quit my first "real world" job which turns out wasn't quite as "real world" as I thought, I moved away from my beautiful beach sanctuary in search of opportunity, I lost a man who I thought might be the love of my life but who has proven to be simply a love in my life, I began a crusade to save the world and realized the first step to saving the world is to save yourself, created a life mission and decided it wasn't quite right and started over, spent my first and last night in jail, watched the country fall apart, hope for something better and take action to achieve that and I am currently seeing my family through a separation. 2008 felt something like a lifetime...I got to learn a lot of lessons in 2008 is what I keep saying. I think we all did. 

Now, all I can feel is appreciation for all of this. I think sometimes you have to get torn completely apart to understand who you really are and to come out the other side a better person.  It can be easy to hide even from yourself. I have allowed myself to be seen and I feel strong and whole and grateful. I have learned that we can not replace the people who are there for us. My love for these people, who know me and have seen me through has grown exponentially this year. But most importantly I have learned that you must be there for yourself, sometimes you may be your only saving grace. My appreciation for the moment and the intricacies of life is inexplicable. I love the little things and the big things and the anticipation. I am excited for 2009. I am excited to prove that I have grown and that my choices reflect the depth of my heart. I am excited to grow even more and continue to understand myself more and more.