When Do We Move On?

Things end, one door closes and another opens is what they say. We are continually at beginnings and endings. Life is one big beginning and ending. What we do in between is up to us, but we are only partially in control, it takes grace to walk through our lives effortlessly going through these entrances and exits, dancing with the universe. It's hard not to peek through the door you had once closed and sometimes pure torture just to walk through the doorway and close the door you may be better off closing. The thing is, I sometimes wonder if we are even responsible for the opening and shutting or if we simply get nudged along peeking through doorways some mysterious force has opened or shoved forward, the door slamming behind as if by a ghost. I am ever surprised by the intelligence my body and the universe have playing this game on me. As if they are sharing secrets, the whole while I am just a naive chess piece, graciously abiding to their moves. The truth, we don't know when we will move on, what will be brought to our table tomorrow or what choices will seem fit in the future. However, we do have the option to become aware, honor where we are in our process and treat ourselves and others with respect through our journey. The good thing is life will take care of the rest. 

Compartmentalized

I started this blog as a way to simply be me... out of the box. I feel that in the past I often compartmentalized myself according to my surroundings, the people I am interacting with or the audience I am speaking to. Perhaps this is a good self-marketing tool but I just got tired of stopping short in certain contexts or belittling myself in certain contexts. Basically I realized I was selling myself short. It is particularly strange coming back to and living in a place where this tendency seemed to form in my life..... somewhere around 13 years old. Sound familiar? It is something we all go through. We live in a society that fosters compartmentalized thinking and acting, constantly striving to figure out where we fit in. Why is it that people are so scared of someone they can't quite figure out? Why are we ourselves scared when we don't live within our own accepted box? So we move from one box to the next, maybe we grow out of that box or just suddenly find it uncomfortable so we go in search of the next box. What happens when we start to live outside of the boxes, when we are just ourselves box free? This is living in uncertainty, finding a home in the void, unpackaged and unlabeled. It can be a scary, unbounded, confusing and overwhelming place, but worth at least a visit. It is only in this place that we can taste the true essence of who we are. I encourage you for just one day to find this place outside of your current box. Find the courage to say something friendly you normally wouldn't say, drive a different route to work, do something spontaneous, surprise someone with a gift, tell someone something about yourself they may never know otherwise, start a new hobby you've been putting off...... just get outside of your box, there is a big world out there.  

Growing Up and Letting Go

It's easy to lose the lightheartedness of your youth. As I see it you have two choices as you grow up, you can become more rigid and closed off or you can become wiser and keep opening up. Life is not always easy, this is a guarantee. You will most definitely see things you don't want to see or take responsibility for things that seem too hard to take. You will make wrong choices and right choices and they will seem to pile up on the record of your life. We all have disappointment and heartache and things are not always as they seem but we must hold on to the wonderment of our youth. You must learn to let go and keep your heart open. How, you say?

Well, believe me if I had all the answers I would love to share, but it is not that easy. However, I do know that doing the things that stir our souls is the best way to keep the magic flowing. It's not easy to let go, I may go so far as to say, to truly let go, to look back and step forward with love is our greatest feat. There is something great to be said about personal perspective and growing older and wiser, but carrying the burden of our pasts can be a heavy load. It's important to take the lessons and let go of the baggage, keep smiling, keep laughing and keep loving. Most importantly stay fascinated with life, everyday is another chance. 

"May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.

May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.

May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
And may your song always be sung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young."

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The Small Picture

As you have gone through life I bet someone has told you to keep the big picture in mind. Well I say, keep the small picture in mind. Recently I have found myself wanting to skip through the small stuff, get on to the next thing, live a bigger life but in my hurried search for the big picture and in neglecting the small picture I tripped and fell flat on my face. It is easy to forget the big picture is just a reflection of the small picture and this being said, it is safe to say without the small picture to cast a reflection there is no big picture. Welcome to the matrix. It is all about the small picture. The tiny details of everyday life cumulate to create the big picture. Every step, every decision, every moment of gratitude, every conversation, every friendship, every kiss, every thought matters and it matters the most. These things are like the subatomic particles in the atom that is your life. The big picture could not exist without the smaller, it is the very essence of it. 

What happens is people get tripped up in the small picture, they start to disregard the small things that matter most in spite of the big picture that they are searching for. We want everything great that life has to offer but don't appreciate the process, the game of loss and gain that is required to get there. We search for the perfect relationship, the perfect job or the perfect city only to discover it is within us all along. The big picture of who we are is simply a reflection of the small picture actions. How can we expect these things to be great if we ourselves are not great? Why do we forget about the magnitude of the details of our lives? Why do we lose sight of the small picture?

We must consciously absorb ourselves in the appreciation of everyday smallness in order to become a larger reflection of who we really are. Without a grand small picture the big picture is simply an illusion.

A Man of Words and Not Deeds

This is a Mother Goose nursery rhyme I found quite powerful:

A man of words and not of deeds 

Is like a garden full of weeds

And when the weeds begin to grow

It's like a garden full of snow

And when the snow begins to fall 

It's like a bird upon the wall

And when the bird away does fly

It's like an eagle in the sky

And when the sky begins to roar

It's like a lion at the door

And when the door begins to crack

It's like a stick across your back

And when your back begins to smart

It's like a penknife in your heart

And when your heart begins to bleed

Your dead and dead and dead indeed

Be Careful What You Wish For, You Just Might Get It

I find I am afraid of the power that lies within my heart. I wake up and realize that I am no longer asleep. I speak and realize I already know. I love and know that I already am that. The problem is I need to quench my thirst, I feel it everyday and the only thing that keeps me from satiation is my own avoidance of the water.

Oscar Wilde said "In this world there are only two tragedies, one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it". We spend so much time in search of some sort of satisfaction that I find this to be true. It's been called our right... the pursuit of happiness, but it has also been said that the pursuit of happiness is the source of unhappiness. So where does this leave us? For some of us it leaves us enjoying the journey but it does not rid of us of this unquestionably human desire for satisfaction. Always looking for the next best thing. Fearing that which we are without. Afraid of being with ourselves. Unsure of where we must go or what we must do next. Scrambling to make things work. When we can fully embody the realization that soon after this thing we so desire there will be another thing we desire again it will take some of the pressure off our situation. Life energy is wise, we can't fool it into a false reality no matter how clever we think we may be. We can only delay the inevitable. But we can stop clinging to that which is keeping us from being hungry temporarily, hanging on by a thread to our satisfaction. It's hard to let go of the things that fill our void, that seem to temporarily satiate our longings. But what happens when we choose to stop living hand to mouth in the context of our desires? Or when we stop clinging to the things that are not serving us?

When we choose to fall into the unknown and crave the possibilities there is an incredibly powerful rush of energy that comes into our lives. A freedom from circumstance, a freedom from satisfaction. Magic.